In this season of life I am not in full time ministry but rather working in a grocery store. The pros of this:
1-I’ve been able to rest and heal after the stress and hurt caused from a hostile environment.
2-I’m growing in the Lord in so many ways; I know this season is full of Him. He’s brought me here and is doing a good work in me.
3-I’ve been able to have more quality time with my wife and kids. My wife and I are more in love than ever and I’m being a better father than ever (just look at my #1 dad award)
The cons:
1-Less money, though God has been faithful to provide.
2-Anxiety wondering if I’ll ever be back in ministry, though God has been faithful to give peace. (FYI- we plan to do full time youth ministry, it’s in the Lord’s hands.)
I really miss everything about our ministry; the relationships and time spent with kids, facilitating a move of God during worship, preaching…. This is what makes me come alive!!
All the cons are actually pros in this beautifully melancholic season, except for one. I mentioned that I’m working at a grocery store, King Soopers. Pure torture to my ears. The people are nice, the work isn’t bad (though it’s not ministry), but the music that plays over the PA is absolutely sadistic. I plan to use a good amount of what any reader will chalk up to hyperbole but I promise you these are real feelings being felt by a real human being violated every day he stocks tampons and the such. You may read this and not feel like it’s a big deal because it wouldn’t matter to you. In the scope of all things it isn’t a big deal, life goes on for me. The Lord must be teaching me patient endurance. For the purpose of what I’m writing about let us push all that aside so I can vent about this violation of human rights; the filthy sewage they pour into my ear’s soul at KS.
I will make a playlist of what I find most offensive. You may see a title and disagree with my assertion.
That is fine, just know you are part of the problem. Not every song they play is horrible, but to me it makes it that much worse. Kind of like pushing someone down a long flight of stairs but thinking its ok because you put a pillow every twentieth step. You are still a monster. Don’t think for a second that because you throw a Replacement’s or Elvis Costello song at me in between the atrocities of the 80’s that we’re cool. I would rather hear only bad music then songs I actually like, that way they wouldn’t be tainted. Also, is it some sort of robot bent on destroying mankind choosing the music, or a think tank of guys with bad taste that the corporate office hires to keep employee morale low? I’m sure it’s a well-researched algorithm to keep shoppers from thinking too much so they buy inappropriate amounts of Diet Mountain Dew and Swanson Hungry-Man microwavable dinners. Here’s the list devoted to breaking my spirit. You will never win death robot.
1. Red Line- Michael Kisur: After researching, I found this song and artist are actually exclusively played at grocery stores. No joke, look for yourself. It sounds like an 80’s movie montage song and it gets my blood boiling.
2. Rosanna-Toto: Barf.
3. St Elmo’s Fire- John Parr: It might be the song I hear the most, but it feels like a fresh stab every time. I’ve never seen the movie, and if this song is included I don’t ever need to.
4. I Saw Him Standing There-Tiffany: I love the Beatles song, I really hate this remake. I even like Tiffany, I just really can’t stand this song.
5. High On You-Survivior: Is this song a self-aware joke about really bad lyrics? If not, it’s incredibly sad.
6. Love Plus One- Haircut 100: It’s really annoying, until the saxophone breaks in. Then it becomes a human rights violation.
7. One Lonely Night- REO Speedwagon: Perfect grocery store song, soulless and uninspired. Please no one defend this song or band.
8. Get On Your Feet- Gloria Estevan- So funny when they use this song in ‘Parks And Recreation’. So cruel when they use it on me as I try to pay my bills.
9. Lovin’ Every Minute Of It- Loverboy: Didn’t they just play this? No wait, that was that crappy Survivor song.
10. Heaven- Bryan Adams: There are three versions of this song that they play and they are all atrocious. I would love to watch this guy fall off a stage someday.
11. Only Want To Be With You- Hootie & The Blowfish: I really hate it. I love to make up my own version and sing like Darius Rucker. Maybe I’ll record it and people will buy it. They were stupid enough to buy and listen to this; so it is possible.
12. Dark Lady-Cher: You make too easy of a target Cher, you overpaid misplaced joke of an entertainer.
13. One More Night- Phil Collins: Here is a musician that could soundtrack a grocery store all by himself. Most of his songs are garbage, but this one in particular is painful for me.
14. You Are My Lady- Freddie Jackson: Maybe the funniest song on this list. I don’t know the story behind the song, but I bet it has something to do with a boy asking a girl to be his girlfriend in middle school. At least that’s how it plays out.
15. Welcome To My Life- Simple Plan- My wife sings the line ‘WELCOME TO MY LIIIIFFFEE’ whenever I complain about changing a diaper or wiping a butt. I would rather wipe a butt than hear this song. I’d rather wipe 10 butts. Then there is the acoustic version they throw on for good measure. At this point we are up to 100 butts.
16. Do You Believe In Love- Huey Lewis and the News: This song used to annoy the bejesus out of me when I worked at a sub shop in Green Bay. The radio station that played generic music there plays a lot of the crap they play at Kings. This furthers my rationale that Green Bay is like one big boring King Soopers.
17. Man In The Mirror- Michael Jackson: Lyric’s from the chorus are,” If you wanna make the world a better place, Take a look at yourself, and then make a change.” At any point could MJ just look in the mirror and say “We are not molesting children anymore!” PS I love Thriller and Off The Wall, other than that I think MJ’s music is garbage.
18. Broken Wings- Mr. Mister: It’s embarrassing to think about someone enjoying this song and singing it with all their heart. Go ahead, think about it. You’re embarrassed for them. You should be, they just humiliated themselves for showing such emotion over such contrived lyrics.
19. Haven’t Met You Yet- Michael Buble: I didn’t think I hated Michael Buble so much. Then I thought I had dreamed this song in a nightmare. It was all too real. Buble is the Freddy Kruger of my unconscious. This song crosses a line of cheap pop music that should be reserved for parody, but people gobbled it up like so much Velveeta.
20. Entire Discography- Billy Joel: barf. Whether it’s Piano Man, Movin’ Out, or the other 8 songs they play of his I get a little more aware of what a bad place the world is. If the first song on the list sets the tone for what this list represents than this man seals it with a kiss of mediocrity. Billy Joel is one of the bestselling ‘artists’ of all time. Asbestos was used for 100’s of years in everything. I can’t be the first person to compare William Joel to asbestos, it’s too easy.
There are two songs in which I’ve been introduced to by way of Kings that I actually appreciate. Let’s end on a good note. Oh, and the note that this isn’t forever. Like Edmond Dantès I am not wasting my time, just waiting for the right moment.
1. Cool It Now- New Edition
2. I Know There’s Something Going On- Frida
thebearplane 
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