ECCLESIASTES 3:4 SEASON. CHAPTER 2

In My Hour of Darkness- Gram Parsons 

I resigned my position near the end of August, and we agreed I would finish at the end of September.  I dreaded letting the people we loved know about our plans.  It was especially terrible when kids would tell us how excited they were for an event like Winter Camp.  Sorry guys, it’s not happening.  Before we told our whole group of our resignation my wife and I sat down with a few we knew would take it especially hard.  To this day I am still not sure what was going on in their hearts.  We knew what we told them was true, life would go on.  God is good and God will provide.  The truth doesn’t always soften the blow.  I still feel responsible for the hurt caused by the fallout of our departure.  Telling the group made it really feel like it was our new reality.  The implications really started to sink in.  What was I actually going to do?

I had a month to pack up my office.  Man I loved my office.  It was full of my stuff.  Everyday in that time period was me walking down memory lane.  I didn’t take one day to do it all, rather everyday I went in I would load my car with books or action figures I would display.  So many knick knacks I had collected, every one with a story of God’s faithfulness to me.  They’re in a box now, waiting for a day where I have nothing better to do than be reminded of how loved I am.  Like everything else in this season it was bittersweet with an emphasis on bitter.  What if it was never going to be as good as this?  As I was getting sidetracked looking through my old sermons Gram Parsons song ‘In My Hour of Darkness’ played.  I made the mix on my iPod, I put the song there, but having it on shuffle played it at the exact right moment.  I’m pretty sure Gram Parsons was not a God fearing individual, but his words rang true.  ‘In my hour of darkness, in my time of need, oh Lord grant me vision oh Lord grant me speed’.  I don’t quote lyrics a lot, but it seems appropriate here.

When I was at home with AdriElle and our children it was heavy.  We knew this was going to be one of those things that would drive us closer together, but it was nevertheless difficult.  Something I love about my relationship with my wife is that we laugh together.  We had agreed that during this time we should only watch shows that were lighthearted and would make us laugh.  We could continue to watch ‘Schindlers List’ in a couple of months, but for now it was a strict comedy diet.  My wife has the greatest laugh of all time.  When she gets going she can turn an entire room into a joy factory.  The show ‘New Girl’ isn’t a show I particularly like, but my wife howls with laughter at it.  One night I wanted to hear her laugh so I put it on for us.  I read quietly and was comforted by my wife loudly cracking up.  It was medicine for my soul.

Perspective is seriously important in life.  One moment you can feel like everything is going to be wonderful and the next feel like it all fell apart.  Your situation doesn’t really inform you that either one of these scenarios is valid, which is why being led by your feelings is like riding a roller coaster.  When my mind would wander to the uncertain future I was walking into I would be terrified, when I was laughing with my wife I was unstoppable, and when the two conflicting worlds would meet I would be a laughing crying mess.  This is why people don’t trust Tom Cruise, he looks like this all the time. To be stable you must look at what is happening, take a few steps back and commit it all to the Lord.  It was not an ideal situation that was coming, but it was not the end of our story.  I knew I was a mess, but also knew I served a God who could not possibly fail.  I’ve continued to listen to Gram Parsons on the regular to this day.  In my hour of darkness, in my time of need, oh Lord grant me vision oh Lord grant me speed.